My name is Ellen and I have been divorced now for Four and a half years. I was in a two year relationship with a man who I thought was the love of my life, and found out that he had anger-management issues, then I finally dumped him and dated a guy who neglected to break up with his girlfriend. I will never forget getting "the call" from the girlfriend. "I don't know what he's telling you, but he's telling me that..."blah, blah, blah. I have been on about twenty first dates ever since and I can't beleive how clueless these guys are. Here is an example of the last disaster date I was on.
I met him on line. Big surprize!! Where, the heck, else are you going to meet someone when you own a hair salon who caters to mostly women? He and I chatted back and forth for a couple weeks. He was an optomitrist, had kids about the same age as mine, attractive picture, yada, yada, yada. We met at a restaurant for lunch near his kids school and my business. I got to the restaurant first and realized that it was closed on Mondays. I tried to call him on his cell, but he didn't answer. After a couple minutes, I see this God-awful car pull into the parking lot and, much to my dismay, recognize HIS face in the driver's seat!!
Kay, I'm not into cars, but I knew THIS car. Yep, from my high school days!! I beleive it was a 1982 Cutless Supreme...white...dings everywhere...and the vinyl on top had peeled off and exposed the fuzzy stuff underneath. (I always wanted to know what was underneath the vinyl on the hood of a car--NOT!). I've never felt compelled to give a car a haircut before either. I visioned myself with clippers buzzing off the fuzz. Maybe optometry isn't as successful a career as I though it would be.?
He gets out of the car and notices me staring at, I'll call it, "the fuzz mobile". He says: "oh, your looking at my car? Well, there's a story behind it." "Oh, do tell", I sarcastically reply. I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve anymore because I get so f---rustrated by these idiots. He tells me his OTHER car is in the shop and this is the loaner that the shop gave him. Are you kidding me?? Surely, if you know that you are subjected to a ghetto mobile for the day, you would say, "hey, Ellen, can we make it Friday instead of Monday for lunch?" THAT would have been the smart thing to do. I am not even into cars, I'm into shoes. Your shoes go with me everywhere I go. Your car sits out in the parking lot...BUT this was an extenuating circumstance. There were windows in the restaurant that we decided to "drive" to, and I use the term "drive"loosely. I think his car "slothed" there. That car was not capable of being driven. I liken it to a manatee swimming through water.
I get to the restaurant before he does, and I anxiously wait for his arrival. I am biting my tongue and hoping everyone at Panera is wifiing or networking with business associates and they are not looking out the window. Funny thing is...I was so worried about his car that I failed to notice what he was wearing when he pulled into the parking lot of the first restaurant we agreed to meet. He gets out of the "fuzzmobile" and walks to the entrance where I am waiting. His clothes, yep, they are worse than the car!! His pants are hiked up to his ribs and I can see his...no, you dirty mind...I can see his SOCKS!! I beleive you should only see a man's socks when he's sitting down. I didn't even notice his shoes because I was so shocked by the fact I could see the socks. That's bad when you don't even notice the shoes. It's kind of like when Heidi Klum says that the worst insult you can give a clothing designer is "no comment". Yea, big fat no comment here. Are you kidding me. I felt like the pants had to be hiked up so much because he was so skinny, he had to scarcely find a part of anatomy fleshy enough that he could wedge his belt in-between. I think he was the "poster dude" for suspenders. At least if he was wearing suspenders, his pants would have been the right length, although I would have wondered about suspenders, too.
Kay, guys...make sure you don't bring your "loner" to the first meeting. Make sure your clothes fit, and NEVER...NEVER, EVER let them see your socks!!
I have tons more stories like these and I hope you will tell your friends to check out my stories. I have helpful hints for the guys and I hope you share this site with as many of your single guy friends so that I can educate these poor men. My goal is to help as many people as possible through the craziness of dating post-divorce!!
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